Parenting.

1.  Works just like a bartering system.
So, it has been awhile since the last post. (It feels like I start every post with this sentence.)  Anyway, I thought I would share a parenting story.

Henry loves to poop.  He excels in filling his diaper.  You know when he is doing his business, because he concentrates real hard.  By "real hard", I mean he puts all of his energy into it.  He usually makes a serious face...and then the slight grunting starts.  He grunts when he pushes.  Henry also holds his breathe when this is going on.  So, he turns bright red when taking care of his business.  Usually when he is done ... it is a mess. Like clockwork ... we take him up stairs to change his diaper.  Lay him down ... and it seems like it immediately shoots up his back towards his shoulders.  I mean, his onesie is clean when we lay him down ... but it goes everywhere one he is laid down.  If there was a cleanand effective way for me to change his diaper while he stood up...I would do it.

Back to story time.  Henry is in his little horsey jumper.  Going to town (jumping).  He has hops like Michael Jordan.  Then, abruptly he stops and goes into poop mode.  Faint grunts and the red face.

INT. - LIVING ROOM - DAY TIME

APRIL

(to Henry)

Hey, buddy.  Tell Daddy to give you some fresh pants?

MARTIN

(knowing that it sounded like a mud bomb went off in H-dogg's diaper)

If you change him, I will be on night duty tonight.

APRIL

So you will do night duty for three days in a row???

MARTIN

Absolutely.

APRIL

(to Henry)

Hey Bud, lets go change that diaper.  Mommy gets 3 nights of un-interrupted sleep!

FYI - I guess I should tell you guys that we switch off night duty each night.  It definitely helps to know that you will get a full night's rest AT LEAST every other night.  But the cool thing is that Henry sleeps through the night.

Henry Roy (Vol. 6)

8.  The force is strong with this one.

This would be Henry's costume for Halloween.  He would be Yoda.  And yes, that is from Star Wars.  This is how it works.....  I like Star Wars = Henry likes Star Wars.  He will thank me for this later in life.

I know.  This is a tad late to post a Halloween entry.  Sue me.  In the last few weeks...I have entered my 30s and my wife and I have celebrated our 4th anniversary. We also spent a week in the Dakotas, ya know.  I got excuses.  Want another one?  I have a 7 month old! Care for another one?  I'm tired.  Doesn't that sound like every other facebook status update???

During the upcoming holiday season, I plan to update the blog more often.  At least, that is the goal.  The last several entries had been more pictures than writing.

Just remembered this.  We had our annual pumpkin carving party at the house this year.  And guess what I carved for my pumpkin?  Yoda!!!

Vehicles.

1.  They do not work properly when a person is not driving them.
Sorry, it has been awhile.  Busy...busy...busy.  Blah-blah-blah.  I know.  Everyone is busy.  Just man up, Martin...and entertain your 3 readers on a more regular basis!!!  Ok.  I will.  STORY TIME!!!!

So, this morning started out like any other morning...except that this is my first morning of my 30s.  I know.  I do look quite young.  Back to the story.  Got ready and dressed for work.  Loaded H-Dogg into the car and started the drive over to daycare.  This is usually the time where I introduce the latest and greatest in music to Henry.  Today, it was The Budos Band.  Look them up.  They rock.

Driving down this road, I come up to a red light.  My car is second from the front.  What I see next totally catches me off guard.  On the road that crosses the street I am on....a regular looking Ford or Chevy pickup truck drives by extremely, excruciatingly slow.  Not only is it driving slow....but the hood of the truck in up.  I thought, that was odd.  Then, our light turns green.  So, I put that thought on the back burner.  However, the delivery truck in front of me is not going.  I think...."Go, man.  It's green!"  But obviously he sees something I didn't.  A few seconds later...I see it.  A middle aged hispanic woman is sprinting behind the slow moving pickup truck.  As the woman clears the intersection, the delivery truck starts driving and I follow.  As I am driving through the intersection a question pops in my head.  "How can you drive a truck when the hood is in the upright position?!?!?!!?"

Immediately, I look to the right to see the truck with its hood up hop the curb and .... SLAM INTO A TREE.  Martin, I don't get it?  Why did that person drive the car into a tree?  I will tell you why.  It is because there was NO ONE in that truck.  The woman that was chasing the truck "was" the driver!!!  But don't worry, she stopped running.  I guess she realized the truck wasn't going anywhere now.  Ridiculous.

P.S.  Here was the original lesson this post was going to start with: 1. Women can't drive.  Even though the statement is true...my story doesn't support that.  Maybe it should of been: 1. Women can't outrun slow moving trucks. 

Henry Roy (Vol. 5)

7. We have a future hunter on our hands.
Pheasant season starts this weekend.  You know what?  I will just let Henry explain this.  (I will translate) 

Wanna know what I will do if I see a pheasant?!?!?

I will shoot it in the face!!!!***

Then, I will EAT IT!!!!



This is my serious face.

Hunting attire provided by Pickled Lily.  See ya.

*** This translation has been redacted by someone that is not me.

...October 6th, 2010

1.  I am making my 6th batch of home brew.
Very exciting.  The style of beer will be an American Pale Ale.  My motivation is Southern Star's Pine Belt Pale Ale.  It is one of my faves and only made about an hour north of Houston.  That would be the Conroe area.  I found out what the ingredients were in their pale ale and I am trying to replicate it.  Hopefully, it turns out fantastic.  If not....I WILL STILL DRINK IT!  I know what ingredients to use...but how much?  When do I add each hops?  Well, this is an experiment.  So far, all my beers have been quite drinkable.  Everyone that likes beer had said many positive things about the 4 other beers.  Or they are just being nice....

Also, my pumpkin ale (my 5th batch) should be ready to drink this Saturday.  I used about 6 pounds of pumpkin meat in the boil of my beer.  Also, at the end of the boil I threw in cinnamon sticks, allspice and nutmeg.  I am quite curious in how this turns out.

2.  I almost died making my 6th batch of beer.

Or...I came close to becoming a Batman villain.  Which villain?  TWO- FACE!  Is it because it is my 6th batch....made on the 6th day of October....in the 6th year after 2004 (ok..that was stretch).????? 

In the process of making beer, you have to steep grains in water.  Picture a teabag that could hold roughly 4 softballs.  That is what I'm working with.  I am steeping 3 pounds of grain.  When you are done, you take the grains out.  However, the grains retain a healthy amount of water.  So, what you do is "sparge" the grains.  Basically, you put the grain bag in a colander.  Hold it over the boiling pot and pour hot water over the grains.  This new hot water will push the water out of the grains into the pot.  Are you picking up what I am laying down?  However, after you take the grains out, you crank up the heat and get the water boiling.  This takes awhile since you are working with about 3 gallons of water.  Would you like for me to get to the dang point?  Ok.  So, I was "sparging" the grains.  Meaning in my left hand was a large pitcher of hot water.  My right hand held the handle to the large metal colander and 3 pound over a large pot that was heating to a boil.  I poured the water through the grains and just held the colander over the pot of really hot water.  Well guess what? The handle on the colander decided to detach itself from the colander.  Meaning the basket part of the colander along with the 3 pounds of grain "plopped" into 3 gallons of hot as hell water.  The result of this incident drenched my entire right side of my body and face (my cat like reflexes turned my head to the left).  Not to mention the sugar water exploded about 8 feet behind me.  There was water about 4 above my head on the cabinets.  A total mess.  The water also extinguished the flame on the gas stove.  Oh well.  Lesson learned.  Don't use a colander that has a detachable handle.  Ridiculous.  If this would of happened roughly 5 minutes later...I would definitely be looking like Two-Face right about now.  Good thing the water was only around 170 degrees....and not boiling.

Bikram Yoga

1.  It's a conspiracy to buy more towels and washing detergent.
Yes, I did bikram yoga.  Do you know what it is?  For the late person, bikram yoga is also known as "hot yoga."  It is a 90 minute yoga class where you do 2 breathing exercises and 26 yoga poses.  Oh, and the room you are doing all of this in is around 105 degrees and 50% humidity.

 

I really must thank some "friends" that stayed at our house a few weeks ago for this. My "friends" brought it up during their visit. And basically, my "best friend from kindergarten" talked about how great it was. April loves it, too. Me...never tried. Thought it was quite girly. Extremely anti. After they left, my wife hit me up and said..." I wonder what your thoughts on bikram yoga are NOW that your "friend" did it and enjoyed it?" I realized the conversation was going to be a lose/lose situation (for me). You know the conversation where you know you (me) will look like a jerk and complete A-hole at the end?  So, I caved. Thanks, "friends."

Back to my conspiracy theory.  Bikram has to be getting kickbacks from the towel and detergent industries.  I asked April what I needed to bring to a class.  She says:

• A hand towel to wipe your face.
• 2 large towels to put over your yoga mat.  Due to you sweating every ounce of water out of your body.
• Another large towel to put over your car seat on the drive home.  Because your body found some more water to sweat out.

 Do you realize how much those 4 towels weight after a class.  Its about 20 lbs of wet stinky towel.  And you can't just throw those things in the laundry basket!

Overall, I do enjoy the class.  I like that fact that you cannot talk for the 90 minutes in the class.  Quiet time is good, specially in a world that bombards you constantly with phone calls, text messages, emails, tweets, status updates and so many other things.  Yes, I am deep.  Plus, I need to lose some weight.  Over the past few months, I have slowly gained unwanted weight.  I just need to shock the system.  And let me tell you....you do lose weight.  I weigh myself before class and shortly after I get back home.  You do what?!?  What?  I weigh myself before and after class to see how much weight I lost.  That's weird.  That's not weird! I guess the next thing you are going to say is that weighing yourself before and after going to the restroom is weird, too.  Yeah, pretty much.  I don't have to take this.

Henry Roy (Vol.4)

6. We have a future metal head!
This is a first for me!  I have added video to this blog.

No country music for this kid!  (*exhales sigh of relief*)  Ha ha, Tumis Team.  I win!  Actually, don't we all win?!?!?  I should note that I make Henry play the air guitar to Green Day quite often and he usually just smiles and enjoys the noises.  I didn't know he would go crazy if I just added a little head banging to it.

I would like to apologize for the quality of this video.  First off, a woman was behind the camera (love you!).  Second, it was poorly lit.  Third, we didn't know this was about to happen.  Hopefully, there will be more to come.  I need to find a good and hopefully free video editing software.  Any suggestions?

More musical themed bonus shots...

The End!