Pregnancy

1. Men are inadequate.
That is probably one of the first things I learned about April's pregnancy.  As I write this from a hospital room, I am trying to hit on some of the more important lessons of the past 8+ months.  FYI... little Henry Lowell is doing great.

Much of the pregnancy, I did feel inadequate.  What can I do?  Oh, ok....Ape you carry a human child in your belly and I will just rub your feet at night.  Sounds good?? That is about even.

Oh, and during LABOR!  Even worse.  It doesn't help that the nurse and the O.B. were both women.  Obviously, they are professionals, but they knew exactly what to say and when to say it.  They were gentle, caring and nurturing while April was in obvious pain.  I was just standing there.  Holding one of April's legs.  The right words could not come to my mouth.  The only thing that did come out, were cliched phrases you would use to cheer your friends on at a sports game.  You know like...."Good job!" or "you can do this!"  I was utterly lost.

2. Movies and TV are inaccurate.
These media outlets did not prepare me for pregnancy.  One of the main things I have a problem with is when the baby "kicks."  I don't know how many television shows or movies I have seen that has a pregnant woman in it.  And like clockwork, there is a scene where said pregnant woman would want to show another character their baby "kicking."  It usually started with the other character resisting and not wanting to invade the mother's space, but the pregnant lady insists.  Then, there is always the two to three second pause of nothingness.  Then...."OMG, he kicked!  I felt him kick!"

Well, Mr. Television writer..that was not the case in my experience.   My experience was more like that of John Hurt's character, Kane, from the movie ALIEN.  Yes, I am referring to the alien popping out of his chest scene.  That is what I will probably remember the most about the pregnancy.  We referred to our baby as the Hulk from about week 13 on.  He was kicking mom's @ss from then on out.  He always seemed to be having a party in there.  From 10 feet away, I could see the Hulk moving and shaking.  Playing on one side of her stomach, then shifting to the other side of Ape's stomach.  It was truly an incredible sight. The pressure he put on  mom's belly button was funny and frightening at the same time.

I can stop babbling from now.  Would you care to see a picture of our little guy???

Those are just two of the things I learned from my beautiful wife while she was pregnant.  As time goes by, hopefully, I will remember more of them to share with you.   Take care.